On June 8, 2017- my life and the lives of many were changed. There was a tragic bus accident involving 11th graders, 12th graders, chaperones, and our bus driver from church. Many people will wonder where God was that day and in the days to follow. As a person who likes to doubt and question, I'd like to say where I saw God. I would also like to write all of this down so that I can look back and see places God worked that I didn't know at the time. Some of these things are trivial, some are amazing. Some are just little God winks that I wouldn't have noticed if I weren't where I am with Christ today.
I will start months ago when the trip to Botswana was planned. You see, my husband teaches 11th and 12th grade boys. Naturally, he wanted to chaperone this trip. He wanted to share the love of Christ with the boys he had developed relationships with. I said,"absolutely not." My reasons were that right now we have a foster care placement that needs our love and attention. Also we have not taken any family vacations in a very long time. We have one planned for October and I didnt want him to use all of his vacation time. Is this selfish of me? Yes. Yes it was. Nate and I even went back and forth over this for some time. In the end, he decided not to go. This is the first place I can say God was. Anyone who knows me knows that I have high anxiety about everything and anything. I dont even fly If Nate goes for a run and I hear sirens- I think hes been hit by a car. When the school calls me, I think Isaac had an anaphylaxis. I am paranoid and a worrier. ( yes, yes, I know you cannot have faith and fear at the same time. We can get into that in another blog, ok?)
The youth of the trip had to raise money on their own for the mission trip to Botswana. One way we could help is to help kids earn money for the trip. My friend Karen had a daughter going to Botswana. One way she was earning money was to babysit. We used her every time we needed to go out. It worked out well for her that we had a foster kid because we could not leave him without a sitter like we can for our biological kids. Therefore, we were using a sitter more than we ordinarily would. I loved using Sarah because I know she loved kids! Every time I taught children's church, she was a volunteer helper. She didn't HAVE to do it. As a matter of fact, I think she just DID it because she wanted to be around kids and serve God. When we went to the Harmening house to eat, she jumped in their cold pool with my kiddos and taught them how to make a whirlpool. The kids ran around and around in their pool until it made a whirlpool. My kids loved it! Around kids, she talked and laughed. Around me, Sarah was quiet. She probably thought I was weird, loud, and New Yorky. I'll never forget after Nate's Christmas party when I took her home. No one was there and the key to the house is tricky. I saw her struggling from the car and jumped out barefooted (Id taken my heels off at home) Of course, I think I'm the expert of all things and I'd open the door straight away. "Hand me the key" I said importantly. Sure enough, I couldn't open the door. I could tell sweet Sarah was dying of embarrassment. After both of us struggling, I suggested to call her dad but she didn't want me to. She asked me to leave and I said no way- We WILL get into this house. After some jiggling of the key and knob we finally opened the door. I don't remember if it was Sarah or me that got it open but I acted like I had won the Super Bowl! Jumping and raising my arms in the air with my bare cold feet. Shouting with jubilation that the door was open!! I know she thought I was a nut case. But God was there God was there showing my kids love. Showing my kids service! God was showing my kids sacrifice. We will miss sweet Sarah and I cannot wait to see her again. She has changed my life in so many ways for the better. I am 41 years old Every day I ask myself- how would Sarah handle this? When I'm mad at the foster care system and I want to lash out- How would Sarah respond? When I want to get off the children's church rotation? What would Sarah do? She has left an imprint on my heart that I cannot put into words. Sarah was 17 years old. 17! She knew God in a way that most anyone reading this would want to know Him. That takes discipline. It takes time.
The day the bus for Botswana was leaving I was helping greet at VBS. Before my shift was over, I had heard people were gathering to drop teenagers off at the bus and that my friend Nikki was there. Nikki- fellow foster parent in the trenches- answered the call to go to Botswana. Let me say that 10,000 percent I am NOT a hugger. I don't like hugs. I rarely hug friends or strangers. (yes I hug my kids and husband- if he is a good boy) Something came over me. I don't know what it was but I needed to find Nikki. I went and found her in her van in the passenger seat. I popped my head in and said, "goodbye Nikki have a safe trip. " I don't know if I warned her I was going to hug her or just went right for it. I hugged my friend Nikki. She was more than surprised. She was like "A hug?" And I really didn't know what to say. Maybe I made a stupid joke but I feel like I didn't. I think I said I care about you- be safe and have a good time. Poor Nikki looked bewildered. Where was God that day? God was there in that van. God was protecting me from much later in the day when my mind would go to Nikki. Is Nikki ok? Did Nikki know I loved her? Sometimes in these tragedies, your mind goes to selfish places. God cleared that area away for me to focus on those in the accidents and their family members. I remembered that I hugged Nikki. I remembered that one moment in time and could spend time in prayer for things that mattered, not my own selfish feelings.
That Thursday afternoon (after the bus left for Atlanta) I went to our neighborhood pool around 2. It was VBS week so it was full of Mount Zion people! We were tired and hot. As I was getting ready to leave, my friend Sara said,"guys there's been a bus accident." Of course I thought it was something minor but Sara said that the bus had flipped several times and people were hurt. People were hurt badly. 5 of us sat there stunned. I said something I have NEVER SAID BEFORE. I said,"guys, lets pray. Lets pray right now out loud." I feel uncomfortable holding someones hand and praying out loud in front of people. We grabbed hands and a woman Id never seen before who doesn't go to our church joined our prayer circle. One at a time we prayed, We prayed for the people on the bus, families, church members, first responders, hospital workers. This wasn't me. I cannot ever say it was. The Holy Spirit filled me up and flowed those words from my mouth. Where was God? God was giving us the words to say. God was answering our prayers as we uttered them. Children at the pool watched us pray and beg Him to keep everyone safe. I pray those children remember that we go to God in a situation like this. I pray their hearts could be molded into the type of person who knows only God can bring healing and comfort.
I got to my house and dropped my kids off . I don't know why but I went directly to church. I wanted to pray. I wanted to be in a place I consider close to God. People had started to gather. Some were parents who had children on the bus. When the accident happened, many people on the bus lost their phones. So people were at church to see if they could account for their friends or family members. In addition to everyone wanting to know how they could help. Someone donated an airplane to get people to Atlanta. The Pastor did an Alter call and people went and knelt at the alter and prayed for everyone involved. By the time I had left the church, the church was full of people. Most were there to pray or to help.People wonder what a church family really is. This is a church family, Running to help and pray for people you do not even know. God wants us to all love each other and worship as one and I saw this.
I want to write these things down now because with time I will forget the days and weeks following this accident.
My heart breaks for the Harmening family. They are just such a wonderful family. Karen has always accepted me just as I am. She is such a godly woman and an amazing mom. Our daughter, Libby, took Sarah's death very hard. She loved her so much. I made the decision that my children would go to Sarah's visitation and funeral. I knew they needed some closure and I knew that the lesson would be good for them to hear from the pastor. Watching the slideshow and hearing Sarah's beautiful voice was almost too much for my child to bear. I started to question my decision to bring her. When we got the receiving line, the girls couldnt have been any sweeter to Libby. Giving her hugs and love when they were the ones needing hugs and love. When Libby got to Sarah's mom, Libby was full on crying. Without missing a beat, Karen picked Libby up and sat on the alter steps and rocked her. She held her and rocked her and whispered to her. This woman- who was grieving in a way that most of us cannot imagine was consoling my daughter. Ive never seen Christ like I did in that moment. I will never be able to repay Karen for helping my little girl that day. God was there. He showed compassion to them in their grief. In the end, I made the right choice in taking my children. Listening to Sarah's legacy and where she is now was huge for my kids to hear. Everything was pointed at one person. Jesus Christ. And what kind of lives we should live and what kind of life Sarah lived.
Kids sold t shirts to raise money for this trip. We didnt buy any because everyone we knew was selling them and I was afraid to hurt someones feelings. The other day I was taking a late night walk alone. I saw a friend of mine in her garage whose daughter was on the bus. I stopped and asked how they were doing, could I help?, and that I was praying. She was setting up for a yard sale. We talked and cried some and then she offered me a t shirt that she had extra that her daughter had sold as a fundraiser. Feeling a little guilty but never one to turn down something free- I took it. We parted ways and I headed home. When I got home I looked at the shirt. I burst into tears. On the shirt was written,"I heard the voice of the Lord saying whom shall I send and who will go for us? Then I said Here am I, send me. Isaiah 6:8) If youve ever received an email from me- this is my signature on the bottom of my emails. This is my favorite verse. I was so touched and in the moments that I am feeling sad- I can remember that God is here. He is present. Her giving me the shirt wasnt a coincidence.
The next day, I took my kids to the yard sale. My foster child and son each grabbed a large stuffed animal. Wanting to get rid of them, my friend gave me them for free. (thanks for that!!!LOL) Libby didn't get one. She was really upset/mad/pouting There was one more huge animal so I texted me friend to see if anyone had bought it and sure enough, it had sold. I told Libby she would not be getting a large stuffed animal and she would have to just be happy with that. She sulked and pouted for 2 days straight. I'm talking world class annoying me- bothering me and begging me for a huge stuffed animal. I just ignored it. On Monday morning I received a call from a minister that he has something strange to tell me. Someone had given Sarah's family a large stuffed bear and they wanted Libby to have it. What? I nearly dropped the phone. I know this is trivial I really do, But I also think this is an example to an 8 year old that God knows what you need and when you need it. The bear now has clothes on and doesn't leave Libby's side. It is on the couch when she is watching TV and in her bed when she is sleeping.
I've got one more I'm adding here at the bottom. (I hope they don't mind I'm sharing- I can delete this) So- the lady who had the yardsale-who gave me the isaiah 6:8 shirt and the stuffed animals that made Libby mad? Well her teenage daughter lost her phone in the bus accident. This past Tuesday, I was driving past her house and I saw a Fedex guy leaving a note on her door and walking back to his truck. Now you all know the DREADED FEDEX NOTE!!!!! We didn't deliver your thing but will deliver it soon note? So I did that thing where I didn't know what to do. I slowed down. I sped up. I started to pull over. Changed my mind. Started to drive. Then pulled over. I called my friend and said," L- are you in the house? Because if you are and you didn't answer the door, Fedex just left your house and didn't leave a package." She was like ," I'm not home but Sue, go get him, THAT IS G'S NEW IPHONE!!!!" Awwwweeee snap! I was basically out of our neighborhood. i did a 75 point turn and went back down the road with my friend L on spreaker phone. I saw the Fedex guy coming toward me. I rolled my window down and waved like a lunatic out the window and was beeping my horn like a clown. He looked at me perplexed and I gave him the "roll down your window sign" (you know the hand crank thing) I yelled,"You were just at my friends house trying to deliver a phone and her daughter needs this phone." He looked at me and shook his head and started to roll his window back up. I said," Sir- the girl was in the bus accident and lost her phone." His face changed. He said,"pull over there on that side road." I'll skip the part where he verified who I was with my friend L. He told me I could get fired for this as he handed me the phone. One detail I left out is that at this point it is 95 degrees out and I'm sweating like a stuffed pig in a suit. I start to walk away when Fedex guy says," I want to share something with you. Last week I was on vacation and instead of taking vacation I volunteered at a camp for at risk boys aged 10-15 years old. they were loud, crass, and rude. One morning, I decided to share Sarah's story with the group. When I did, you could have heard a pin drop. Sarah's journaling and her life had an impact on these boys. We decided to use Sarah's life as a theme for the remaining time we had. Live your life for God, Do whats right. Persevere."
Y'ALL! It was 95 degrees out and I was covered in goosebumps. I just couldn't believe it- here was God AGAIN- reminding me that His hand is here. It isn't just in Monrovia, it was miles away at a camp!
I could go on and on in the good in a terrible and hard circumstance. There will always be hurt in this world But God is bigger than that. My life has changed because of what happened. Our church has changed. Our little community has changed. I hope this brings us all closer and wanting to know Jesus Christ as our personal Lord. I pray this intensity for Him and His Word do not die down. That this is just the start of something much larger to glorify him.
If you read this and want to help- we ask that you pray for the victims and families. You can go to the church website and give to the Lottie Moon foundation in Sarah's honor. www.mzbc.net If you have questions about Jesus, please ask me. Do you want to know Him? Youll never regret taking that first step. I promise.
I will start months ago when the trip to Botswana was planned. You see, my husband teaches 11th and 12th grade boys. Naturally, he wanted to chaperone this trip. He wanted to share the love of Christ with the boys he had developed relationships with. I said,"absolutely not." My reasons were that right now we have a foster care placement that needs our love and attention. Also we have not taken any family vacations in a very long time. We have one planned for October and I didnt want him to use all of his vacation time. Is this selfish of me? Yes. Yes it was. Nate and I even went back and forth over this for some time. In the end, he decided not to go. This is the first place I can say God was. Anyone who knows me knows that I have high anxiety about everything and anything. I dont even fly If Nate goes for a run and I hear sirens- I think hes been hit by a car. When the school calls me, I think Isaac had an anaphylaxis. I am paranoid and a worrier. ( yes, yes, I know you cannot have faith and fear at the same time. We can get into that in another blog, ok?)
The youth of the trip had to raise money on their own for the mission trip to Botswana. One way we could help is to help kids earn money for the trip. My friend Karen had a daughter going to Botswana. One way she was earning money was to babysit. We used her every time we needed to go out. It worked out well for her that we had a foster kid because we could not leave him without a sitter like we can for our biological kids. Therefore, we were using a sitter more than we ordinarily would. I loved using Sarah because I know she loved kids! Every time I taught children's church, she was a volunteer helper. She didn't HAVE to do it. As a matter of fact, I think she just DID it because she wanted to be around kids and serve God. When we went to the Harmening house to eat, she jumped in their cold pool with my kiddos and taught them how to make a whirlpool. The kids ran around and around in their pool until it made a whirlpool. My kids loved it! Around kids, she talked and laughed. Around me, Sarah was quiet. She probably thought I was weird, loud, and New Yorky. I'll never forget after Nate's Christmas party when I took her home. No one was there and the key to the house is tricky. I saw her struggling from the car and jumped out barefooted (Id taken my heels off at home) Of course, I think I'm the expert of all things and I'd open the door straight away. "Hand me the key" I said importantly. Sure enough, I couldn't open the door. I could tell sweet Sarah was dying of embarrassment. After both of us struggling, I suggested to call her dad but she didn't want me to. She asked me to leave and I said no way- We WILL get into this house. After some jiggling of the key and knob we finally opened the door. I don't remember if it was Sarah or me that got it open but I acted like I had won the Super Bowl! Jumping and raising my arms in the air with my bare cold feet. Shouting with jubilation that the door was open!! I know she thought I was a nut case. But God was there God was there showing my kids love. Showing my kids service! God was showing my kids sacrifice. We will miss sweet Sarah and I cannot wait to see her again. She has changed my life in so many ways for the better. I am 41 years old Every day I ask myself- how would Sarah handle this? When I'm mad at the foster care system and I want to lash out- How would Sarah respond? When I want to get off the children's church rotation? What would Sarah do? She has left an imprint on my heart that I cannot put into words. Sarah was 17 years old. 17! She knew God in a way that most anyone reading this would want to know Him. That takes discipline. It takes time.
The day the bus for Botswana was leaving I was helping greet at VBS. Before my shift was over, I had heard people were gathering to drop teenagers off at the bus and that my friend Nikki was there. Nikki- fellow foster parent in the trenches- answered the call to go to Botswana. Let me say that 10,000 percent I am NOT a hugger. I don't like hugs. I rarely hug friends or strangers. (yes I hug my kids and husband- if he is a good boy) Something came over me. I don't know what it was but I needed to find Nikki. I went and found her in her van in the passenger seat. I popped my head in and said, "goodbye Nikki have a safe trip. " I don't know if I warned her I was going to hug her or just went right for it. I hugged my friend Nikki. She was more than surprised. She was like "A hug?" And I really didn't know what to say. Maybe I made a stupid joke but I feel like I didn't. I think I said I care about you- be safe and have a good time. Poor Nikki looked bewildered. Where was God that day? God was there in that van. God was protecting me from much later in the day when my mind would go to Nikki. Is Nikki ok? Did Nikki know I loved her? Sometimes in these tragedies, your mind goes to selfish places. God cleared that area away for me to focus on those in the accidents and their family members. I remembered that I hugged Nikki. I remembered that one moment in time and could spend time in prayer for things that mattered, not my own selfish feelings.
That Thursday afternoon (after the bus left for Atlanta) I went to our neighborhood pool around 2. It was VBS week so it was full of Mount Zion people! We were tired and hot. As I was getting ready to leave, my friend Sara said,"guys there's been a bus accident." Of course I thought it was something minor but Sara said that the bus had flipped several times and people were hurt. People were hurt badly. 5 of us sat there stunned. I said something I have NEVER SAID BEFORE. I said,"guys, lets pray. Lets pray right now out loud." I feel uncomfortable holding someones hand and praying out loud in front of people. We grabbed hands and a woman Id never seen before who doesn't go to our church joined our prayer circle. One at a time we prayed, We prayed for the people on the bus, families, church members, first responders, hospital workers. This wasn't me. I cannot ever say it was. The Holy Spirit filled me up and flowed those words from my mouth. Where was God? God was giving us the words to say. God was answering our prayers as we uttered them. Children at the pool watched us pray and beg Him to keep everyone safe. I pray those children remember that we go to God in a situation like this. I pray their hearts could be molded into the type of person who knows only God can bring healing and comfort.
I got to my house and dropped my kids off . I don't know why but I went directly to church. I wanted to pray. I wanted to be in a place I consider close to God. People had started to gather. Some were parents who had children on the bus. When the accident happened, many people on the bus lost their phones. So people were at church to see if they could account for their friends or family members. In addition to everyone wanting to know how they could help. Someone donated an airplane to get people to Atlanta. The Pastor did an Alter call and people went and knelt at the alter and prayed for everyone involved. By the time I had left the church, the church was full of people. Most were there to pray or to help.People wonder what a church family really is. This is a church family, Running to help and pray for people you do not even know. God wants us to all love each other and worship as one and I saw this.
I want to write these things down now because with time I will forget the days and weeks following this accident.
My heart breaks for the Harmening family. They are just such a wonderful family. Karen has always accepted me just as I am. She is such a godly woman and an amazing mom. Our daughter, Libby, took Sarah's death very hard. She loved her so much. I made the decision that my children would go to Sarah's visitation and funeral. I knew they needed some closure and I knew that the lesson would be good for them to hear from the pastor. Watching the slideshow and hearing Sarah's beautiful voice was almost too much for my child to bear. I started to question my decision to bring her. When we got the receiving line, the girls couldnt have been any sweeter to Libby. Giving her hugs and love when they were the ones needing hugs and love. When Libby got to Sarah's mom, Libby was full on crying. Without missing a beat, Karen picked Libby up and sat on the alter steps and rocked her. She held her and rocked her and whispered to her. This woman- who was grieving in a way that most of us cannot imagine was consoling my daughter. Ive never seen Christ like I did in that moment. I will never be able to repay Karen for helping my little girl that day. God was there. He showed compassion to them in their grief. In the end, I made the right choice in taking my children. Listening to Sarah's legacy and where she is now was huge for my kids to hear. Everything was pointed at one person. Jesus Christ. And what kind of lives we should live and what kind of life Sarah lived.
Kids sold t shirts to raise money for this trip. We didnt buy any because everyone we knew was selling them and I was afraid to hurt someones feelings. The other day I was taking a late night walk alone. I saw a friend of mine in her garage whose daughter was on the bus. I stopped and asked how they were doing, could I help?, and that I was praying. She was setting up for a yard sale. We talked and cried some and then she offered me a t shirt that she had extra that her daughter had sold as a fundraiser. Feeling a little guilty but never one to turn down something free- I took it. We parted ways and I headed home. When I got home I looked at the shirt. I burst into tears. On the shirt was written,"I heard the voice of the Lord saying whom shall I send and who will go for us? Then I said Here am I, send me. Isaiah 6:8) If youve ever received an email from me- this is my signature on the bottom of my emails. This is my favorite verse. I was so touched and in the moments that I am feeling sad- I can remember that God is here. He is present. Her giving me the shirt wasnt a coincidence.
The next day, I took my kids to the yard sale. My foster child and son each grabbed a large stuffed animal. Wanting to get rid of them, my friend gave me them for free. (thanks for that!!!LOL) Libby didn't get one. She was really upset/mad/pouting There was one more huge animal so I texted me friend to see if anyone had bought it and sure enough, it had sold. I told Libby she would not be getting a large stuffed animal and she would have to just be happy with that. She sulked and pouted for 2 days straight. I'm talking world class annoying me- bothering me and begging me for a huge stuffed animal. I just ignored it. On Monday morning I received a call from a minister that he has something strange to tell me. Someone had given Sarah's family a large stuffed bear and they wanted Libby to have it. What? I nearly dropped the phone. I know this is trivial I really do, But I also think this is an example to an 8 year old that God knows what you need and when you need it. The bear now has clothes on and doesn't leave Libby's side. It is on the couch when she is watching TV and in her bed when she is sleeping.
I've got one more I'm adding here at the bottom. (I hope they don't mind I'm sharing- I can delete this) So- the lady who had the yardsale-who gave me the isaiah 6:8 shirt and the stuffed animals that made Libby mad? Well her teenage daughter lost her phone in the bus accident. This past Tuesday, I was driving past her house and I saw a Fedex guy leaving a note on her door and walking back to his truck. Now you all know the DREADED FEDEX NOTE!!!!! We didn't deliver your thing but will deliver it soon note? So I did that thing where I didn't know what to do. I slowed down. I sped up. I started to pull over. Changed my mind. Started to drive. Then pulled over. I called my friend and said," L- are you in the house? Because if you are and you didn't answer the door, Fedex just left your house and didn't leave a package." She was like ," I'm not home but Sue, go get him, THAT IS G'S NEW IPHONE!!!!" Awwwweeee snap! I was basically out of our neighborhood. i did a 75 point turn and went back down the road with my friend L on spreaker phone. I saw the Fedex guy coming toward me. I rolled my window down and waved like a lunatic out the window and was beeping my horn like a clown. He looked at me perplexed and I gave him the "roll down your window sign" (you know the hand crank thing) I yelled,"You were just at my friends house trying to deliver a phone and her daughter needs this phone." He looked at me and shook his head and started to roll his window back up. I said," Sir- the girl was in the bus accident and lost her phone." His face changed. He said,"pull over there on that side road." I'll skip the part where he verified who I was with my friend L. He told me I could get fired for this as he handed me the phone. One detail I left out is that at this point it is 95 degrees out and I'm sweating like a stuffed pig in a suit. I start to walk away when Fedex guy says," I want to share something with you. Last week I was on vacation and instead of taking vacation I volunteered at a camp for at risk boys aged 10-15 years old. they were loud, crass, and rude. One morning, I decided to share Sarah's story with the group. When I did, you could have heard a pin drop. Sarah's journaling and her life had an impact on these boys. We decided to use Sarah's life as a theme for the remaining time we had. Live your life for God, Do whats right. Persevere."
Y'ALL! It was 95 degrees out and I was covered in goosebumps. I just couldn't believe it- here was God AGAIN- reminding me that His hand is here. It isn't just in Monrovia, it was miles away at a camp!
I could go on and on in the good in a terrible and hard circumstance. There will always be hurt in this world But God is bigger than that. My life has changed because of what happened. Our church has changed. Our little community has changed. I hope this brings us all closer and wanting to know Jesus Christ as our personal Lord. I pray this intensity for Him and His Word do not die down. That this is just the start of something much larger to glorify him.
If you read this and want to help- we ask that you pray for the victims and families. You can go to the church website and give to the Lottie Moon foundation in Sarah's honor. www.mzbc.net If you have questions about Jesus, please ask me. Do you want to know Him? Youll never regret taking that first step. I promise.
